Okay, okay. It's time I got down and dirty. The past week or so has been one of those ongoing, philosophical montages through my head about what purpose my life will serve and what I'm going to do about it. I have had many down moments that have turned me into a sappy ole teenager again, dwindling away in my room wondering why my friends are my friends, and why they aren't what they seem to be. I have a trust issue, and it's been a part of me since I was a young child. I am feeling lost now, more than ever though. I am waiting for a sign that will tell me what is it I need to do, and who it is I can trust. This is the most uncomfortable feeling a person can have I think. Doubt. Uncertainty. Maybe it's due to the fact that I haven't been losing any more weight. I have officially reached a standstill, and it's making me feel like crap. There is only one thing that I can be certain about, aside from my family and my friends (who sometimes, I'll honestly be just as unsure about as a stranger roaming the streets at night). I can be certain about the person I am in this present moment. I'm a dreamer. I have things that I want to accomplish. When I have a sad time moment like this though, it's difficult to believe that those dreams will ever be within reach. It's almost as if I can see them so close, but not close enough to grasp hold of them.
I'm heading to the gym in hopes of being able to release some of these stresses and have a happy time moment.
"Spitting Fire" by The Boxer Rebellion
I <3 them, dearly
Love and all that,
l
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