That's Just The Way It Is

I went to the gym on Monday and took a Zumba class for the first time.. Woooheee, it was intense! It is such a fast paced routine, that I wasn't paying much attention to my posture..and after all of the lunges and squats, I hurt my knees, badly. They were so sore yesterday, I could barely walk up and down the stairs in my house. Today I'm feeling much better, thankfully. I'm not planning on going to the gym today, just to be sure that I don't mess up my knees for life. I spent some time with my friend Kristen and her daughter Lindsay today. Lindsay is a little over 3 years old and just a gem. She's such a precious little thing and I absolutely adore her. It was nice to catch up and just hang out with an old friend.

I've been going through a rough patch lately and though my friends have been supportive, it's hard because none of them are actually here. I recently ended a friendship, and I'm not taking it very well. It's similar to ending a romantic relationship. I keep going back and forth trying to figure out whether or not I made the right decision. My friend, K, has been a roller coaster of a friend. Sometimes she was truly there for me, and other times she was practically a stranger. I realized though that our friendship was dwindling. It was going in circles, and we weren't seeing eye to eye. Two weeks ago was the last time we conversed. She told me that she was pregnant, and my first reaction was that it was a lie. What kind of a friend reacts that way? A bad friend? A friend who knows her friend so well that she was actually right? I will never know whether or not she is pregnant because after she skyped me that night, she signed off and didn't return my phone calls. After a week of calling and not hearing back from her, I decided that it was best that I disconnect myself from that relationship and move on. Lo and behold, she called me the next day. I didn't have words and I didn't take her phone calls or respond to her instant messages. She in turn txted me back about a week later saying that she was tired of our passive aggressive bulls**t and that she assumed we weren't talking anymore. I so deeply wanted to respond saying that it wasn't my intention to be passive aggressive. But I realized that it obviously was her intention because she was apologizing for it. The text was also so hostile (and passive aggressive in itself) and I think that if anybody wanted to talk to me, they wouldn't be rude about it. I don't need a "friend" treating me that way, trying to make me feel guilty for something that I'm not even positive I did in the first place. So that is the end of it. She hasn't tried to contact me, and she has since blocked me on skype.

On another note.
I have once again become sidetracked with my goal. I want to lose weight. I want to be lean, or at least leaner than I am now. I would like to weigh as much as I did in high school. This goal has been such a journey to reach and I haven't even gotten halfway there yet..or even a quarter of the way! I keep falling into these traps. I've been eating horribly. I haven't been exercising as much lately, although I've been pushing myself harder. I need to stay focused. The big picture: I want to wear all of these wonderful clothes that I haven't been able to fit into in years! I want to buy new clothes and dress more sexy/mature. I want to feel good in anything I walk out the door in. So, I have to keep telling myself that this is going to be worth it. I also just realized that I actually am about a quarter of the way to reaching my goal! That's amazing! I had no idea. Okay, wow, definitely going to be using that as motivation! (As I pop and Andes chocolate mint into my mouth....)

Okay, appropriate for tonight:

"Changes" by Tupac

Grey's Anatomy Addict

I will admit, I have been a lover of Grey's Anatomy for so long. I started unliking it when Denny came back and gave Izzie orgasms...that was just too weird for me..until I later found out that she had cancer and he was her hallucination; then it made sense. Anyway, I'm thrilled that Jackson and Lexie could possibly be starting a romance. They are such a cute duo. Okay..I promise my life doesn't revolve around television, but I love this show. Anywho.... I got back into the gym today! It was great to workout again. My elliptical was kind of jerky, but I managed to get through it. I kept at a fairly steady pace for the entire 65 minutes. However I finally averaged an even 12 calories per minute today! YES! It felt really great, although I will need to start doing more interval training. I feel that I get more of a workout if I practice my version of HIIT than a steady pace. I am steadily reaching level 11 for longer periods of times too, which I am thrilled about. Avg heart rate-182 (up from 177 ish) and max heart rate- 192. I feel great! I hope that I can keep it up. I really have been trying to change my eating habits. I caved and bought some slim fast. I wanted something chocolatey...and I figured, well I may as well be getting in nutrients too. It doesn't make a bad shake. I bought the powder because I'm lactose intolerant, and need to use almond milk. I add ice to it, blend it all up and it makes quite a satisfactory shake, I've got to say. I'm not really planning on starting the slim fast diet, but I might consider it, seeing as I can handle the shakes. Anyway...I have given up eating past about 8 o'clock, which is good for me (I could totally eat all night if I wanted to haha). I just really love food, and I love eating....which obviously is a problem for me. I have been trying to drink more water, and that helps satisfy the hunger as well. I've given up cigarettes. I'm not that sad about it, because I've quit before. It's a nasty habit, but I really do enjoy them every now and then. I don't miss them as much as I used to. I'm loving the way my body feels. I haven't really lost any weight, but I just feel so much better, leaner. I do miss soda though, terribly. I love carbonated drinks, and I'm not about to drink diet soda or anything. Okay, maybe a diet coke here and there....but I prefer not to. I don't like sugar substitutes. They tend to be too sweet. I feel like I'm rambling...so I'm going to peace.


Here's a great song that I like to workout to:

"Who I Am" by Stroke 9

Love and all that,
l