Stop. Look. Listen

Okay, I know this is a promise I have been making for a long time. I may have felt it was possible before. I'm finally realizing that I know it's possible and that I'm going to make it happen. I've always said that I'm the only one who can lose the weight that needs to be shed on my body, and dang it! I was not listening to myself. I am the only one who can put the work into getting the results I want to see, my parents want to see, maybe even my friends want to see. I really needed to reassess what it is that I'm looking to accomplish in this journey. I'm tired of being told that I can eat this or that, and not other things. It really is my life, and I'm going to make my own decisions. But, I cannot just eat something out of spite for my parents. I will eat whatever it is that I choose, but I have to reasonable, for my own sake. From this day forward, I vow to start focusing and putting all of my energy into getting in good workouts, eating the right foods and in the right proportions. I have to allow myself to eat bad foods every once in awhile. I realized that when I deprive my mind from eating comfort foods like pizza or ice cream or candy or chips at least once a week, I will binge for days. And the whole point of me losing weight is to better my body and my life. I know that I can lose weight by only drinking fruit juice and eating salad..but I can't imagine doing that for the rest of my life. I want to be able to keep the weight off for years to come. I want to know that I can lose weight eating foods that make me happy and taste good. (Who wants to be miserable while losing weight?-It just doesn't seem worth it to me.) Anywho.. later today I'm going to the gym. I haven't been in days..actually a week to be exact. That is the longest time since I began working out that I haven't been to the gym. I'm nervous to see how it has affected my routine, especially since I haven't been eating as healthy as I should have been to compensate for the lack of exercise, let alone- in general.


Hope today goes great though, and I hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend!

I was feeling a little nostalgic, just trying to gather myself and recollect my thoughts.

"Closing Time" by Semisonic

Love and all that,
l

Day 1: Success!

Today was...well it started off as a great day. I got about 11 hours of sleep which was oh so nice. I woke up and made a delicious breakfast: Fried eggs, toast, hash browns, and sausage. Oh let me tell you it was sooo delicious. I might have to make that again tomorrow, but in lesser proportions. I'm really trying to limit my bad eating habits. Although I'm very conscious of what I eat, I still haven't got the will power to stop myself sometimes. Because I had such a late breakfast, I didn't eat again until after I went to the gym. Today's workout wasn't that great. I burned 470 on the elliptical and another 100 on the bike. I also did some strength training, so I think that might've been why I couldn't push myself any more. My legs have been killing me the past few days. I can tell they are getting stronger and bulking up which is cool. However, I still want to improve my endurance. Since I've started babysitting, I haven't been able to go to the gym as often. I'm slowly getting back into the groove of things. I'm at about 45-50 minutes of cardio per day. I would like to hit 700 calories burned though..so that takes about an hour. Anyway..I'm working on a bunch of things. In addition. I would like to stop getting upset over petty things. More importantly though, I would like to stop acting on those things that aggravate me. I've been so lonely and down lately that I find myself arguing with people for no reason, mostly my family. I'm just incredibly sick of feeling like no one is one my side. Every day I receive criticism for a bunch of different things...like my weight/what I'm eating...things I'm doing wrong around the house. I'm just sick of it. I'm also waiting for my graduation gift. My mom keeps mentioning it and I really want it, not for the material aspect, but it would really mean a lot to commemorate my graduating. My parents aren't big on special occasions, but this one would really mean a lot to me...and the fact that they keep bringing it up makes it even worse. I don't know..sometimes I think that people feel that because things are so obvious, they're not even worth mentioning. Yeah..not the same thing with monumental moments in life..and even the least sentimental. I appreciate when people tell me that they love me. I think that even if it is somewhat of an overstatement (when said in such a casual/passing manner) I am one of those who thinks that it's just as important to acknowledge. I also need people to recognize and acknowledge when I do something for them. I would do anything, in return for nothing as long as the recipient is appreciative...ugh sorry for the rant. This evening was particularly difficult. My family really knows how to dig at every one of my nerves...and I snapped today. So thank you all for reading. 

"Moon and Moon" by Bat For Lashes

Love and all that,

l

The Last Supper

So.....I've decided to give up sweets until Easter. I don't normally commemorate Lent, but I'm going to do this for myself and see if I can make it through this. It will be a great test of my will power. So I'm going to be cutting out the following, but not limited to:

cookies
candy
soda pop
ice cream
all dessert
juice, unless it's all natural fruit juice


46 days to go :)

I also ate a lot of great food today. I had mac and cheese, baked with panko bread crumbs. mmmmmm....Tomorrow is my last day to splurge on food. I decided I needed to give myself one more day. I've calculated how long it will take for me to reach my goal weight: about 7 months. My goal is by my 24th birthday. So..... I'm pretty excited about that. I'm hoping that I can stick with it..but it will give me a lot of time tone up for the wedding as well...is what I'm thinking. But I'm thinking about dress fittings and I want to be down to a size 8 for the dress fittings.I want to be slim and sleek and hott haha. Hopefully I'll have a date for the wedding, but if not, then I hope I can meet someone hehe


Anyway song:

"The Funeral" by Band of Horses

Love and all that,
l

There's Always Something

This weekend I had a difficult time trying to keep my composure as my emotions got the best of me. Living with my parents has been such a difficult change. I thought that it would be different having graduated from high school. However, it has proven to be a challenge each day I'm here. I need a job. Anybody hiring? Please hire me :) I need money so that I can finally move out of my parents' house. Anyway...my dad likes to have these "talks" with me, and I find them ever so irritating. Today, he asked me about the almond milk that I've been buying as of recent. He wanted to know if I was aware that it was made of a lot of sugar, what I was using it for,  and so forth. I replied saying that my stomach has been getting upset whenever I drink milk, and that it wasn't the case with cheese or yogurt, so I decided to try almond milk. I prefer it over soy milk because I've heard that soy messes with hormone levels..and...blah blah blah. Anyway the point that I'm slowly making is that I read nutrition labels...obviously! I'm trying to lose weight. And, I know what I'm putting into my body. I was aware that there is a ton of sugar in almond milk, but ya know, it's an alternative that I prefer. It's just irritating that I'm 23 years old, living at home, and being told what I can/should and can't/shouldn't eat. It was just completely unnecessary and doesn't make either of our lives easier...so I was frustrated. But, ya know....talking to my dad has always been a grueling task, and it's proving to still be so. Oh well. Other than that, I had a great workout, seeing that I had that conversation minutes before I left. 800 plus calories. 65 minutes. WOOT. Max heart rate-192, avg-180. It was a great workout. I also tried biking a little bit. I think that I might do a bike cool down on occasion. It was nice change, but  I do dread the bike. We had a bike, and i just loathed it so much. Being forced to ride that piece of shit because my parents thought I was too fat. Oh those days.....haha oh right....I'm still living them.


Please don't judge, but I am currently obsessed with two songs. Here's one:

S&M by Rihanna

Can you guess what the other song is? You'l find out tomorrow :)


Love and all that,
l

Grey's Anatomy Addict

I will admit, I have been a lover of Grey's Anatomy for so long. I started unliking it when Denny came back and gave Izzie orgasms...that was just too weird for me..until I later found out that she had cancer and he was her hallucination; then it made sense. Anyway, I'm thrilled that Jackson and Lexie could possibly be starting a romance. They are such a cute duo. Okay..I promise my life doesn't revolve around television, but I love this show. Anywho.... I got back into the gym today! It was great to workout again. My elliptical was kind of jerky, but I managed to get through it. I kept at a fairly steady pace for the entire 65 minutes. However I finally averaged an even 12 calories per minute today! YES! It felt really great, although I will need to start doing more interval training. I feel that I get more of a workout if I practice my version of HIIT than a steady pace. I am steadily reaching level 11 for longer periods of times too, which I am thrilled about. Avg heart rate-182 (up from 177 ish) and max heart rate- 192. I feel great! I hope that I can keep it up. I really have been trying to change my eating habits. I caved and bought some slim fast. I wanted something chocolatey...and I figured, well I may as well be getting in nutrients too. It doesn't make a bad shake. I bought the powder because I'm lactose intolerant, and need to use almond milk. I add ice to it, blend it all up and it makes quite a satisfactory shake, I've got to say. I'm not really planning on starting the slim fast diet, but I might consider it, seeing as I can handle the shakes. Anyway...I have given up eating past about 8 o'clock, which is good for me (I could totally eat all night if I wanted to haha). I just really love food, and I love eating....which obviously is a problem for me. I have been trying to drink more water, and that helps satisfy the hunger as well. I've given up cigarettes. I'm not that sad about it, because I've quit before. It's a nasty habit, but I really do enjoy them every now and then. I don't miss them as much as I used to. I'm loving the way my body feels. I haven't really lost any weight, but I just feel so much better, leaner. I do miss soda though, terribly. I love carbonated drinks, and I'm not about to drink diet soda or anything. Okay, maybe a diet coke here and there....but I prefer not to. I don't like sugar substitutes. They tend to be too sweet. I feel like I'm rambling...so I'm going to peace.


Here's a great song that I like to workout to:

"Who I Am" by Stroke 9

Love and all that,
l

Long Time, No Post

Sorry for the lack of commitment on this blog. I tend to get distracted, and then start a new blog. However, that has not happened here! I've been away for a few days, but I'm back! So....the past few days haven't been so great for me. We ordered Chinese food (cue: "mmmmmm") and I just haven't been eating that well lately. Well, it's not to say that I haven't been eating well, but rather, I've just been eating a whole heck of a lot. So tomorrow is another fresh start (my philosophy is that one can never have too many "fresh starts") and I'm going to be very conscious of what I'm putting into my body. Today's workout was great, unlike the past couple of days. I burned 770 calories in just 65 minutes! Yay for me. And I'm hoping that the rest of this week will also be filled with great work outs!-and more healthy food choices.


Anyway, more updates to come later!

This is one of my favorite renditions I've ever heard, of any song!

"With a Little Help From My Friends" featured in the opening performance of "The Sing-Off", episode 4.

I get goose bumps every time. 

Love and all that, 

l

efffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

The bad food keeps on rolling in my belly. Okay, huge lapse in will power today. I just stuffed five chocolates into my tummy. I think it might've felt like I didn't properly celebrate Valentine's Day or something. Tomorrow, no more sweets for me! I blew it. Absolutely no sweets for awhile...which is going to be so difficult considering I bought Girl Scout cookies from my cousin. Crap. Well, we'll have to figure out something, but seriously, I'm not ever going to allow myself to get this out of control again. 

Okay, so this might not be the best song to play, but it's soo good. And a little comforting haha

Glee's version of "Fat Bottomed Girls". Love it, mainly because I have a fat bottom haha

Love and all that,

l

Yeah....Not So Worth It

Today was an awesome workout day...not so much an awesome food day though. I don't know if I just had a momentary lapse in will power, but I indulged in pasta with cheese and butter today. I also had an egg with toast and sausage. It was not a healthy day. But I can move onto my next meal with confidence that it will be filled with delicious nutrients :) I supposedly burned just over 700 calories on the elliptical today. I was on it for about an hour and 5 minutes for a cool down at the end of it. Yay! Go me! Haha. I'm really proud that I've been able to keep it up..going to the gym that is. I just hope that I start seeing results soon. I've lost 3 pounds since last week...but I'm still two pound away from my pre-holiday weight...and then of course...there's the amount of weight I have to shed to reach my ideal weight...but I know that I can get there. Just some more will power to refrain from those oh so good, but oh so bad foods, and of course to continue exercising. I heard that diet is the most contributing factor to losing weight/gaining weight. Exercise kind of tops it all off. I know that my body is becoming stronger, I just want it to be leaner, so I'm going to try my pre-holiday diet once more on top of working out, and see if this yields any results. My diet plan went like this:

carbs in the morning before noon
must consume 600 calories before noon
eat within one hour of waking up
eat only vegetables and protein after 12 pm. including salads loaded with chicken, tomatoes, mushrooms, some dressing, nuts, along with fish or other protein like egg whites.

Basically I can eat anything else after noon except carbs such as rice, bread, pasta, etc.

It was so difficult because I would crave so many things, but morning was the time to indulge in any carbs or sweets. It worked so well that I lost 17 pounds in two months! But then I gained it back...so we'll see how this goes. I'm sure it will be very difficult for even just a week, so I'll stick as close to it as possible and let y'all know how it goes.


oh yes, song selection:

"Porcelain" by Moby. One of my favorite artists. Enjoy

Love and all that,
l