Day 1: Success!

Today was...well it started off as a great day. I got about 11 hours of sleep which was oh so nice. I woke up and made a delicious breakfast: Fried eggs, toast, hash browns, and sausage. Oh let me tell you it was sooo delicious. I might have to make that again tomorrow, but in lesser proportions. I'm really trying to limit my bad eating habits. Although I'm very conscious of what I eat, I still haven't got the will power to stop myself sometimes. Because I had such a late breakfast, I didn't eat again until after I went to the gym. Today's workout wasn't that great. I burned 470 on the elliptical and another 100 on the bike. I also did some strength training, so I think that might've been why I couldn't push myself any more. My legs have been killing me the past few days. I can tell they are getting stronger and bulking up which is cool. However, I still want to improve my endurance. Since I've started babysitting, I haven't been able to go to the gym as often. I'm slowly getting back into the groove of things. I'm at about 45-50 minutes of cardio per day. I would like to hit 700 calories burned though..so that takes about an hour. Anyway..I'm working on a bunch of things. In addition. I would like to stop getting upset over petty things. More importantly though, I would like to stop acting on those things that aggravate me. I've been so lonely and down lately that I find myself arguing with people for no reason, mostly my family. I'm just incredibly sick of feeling like no one is one my side. Every day I receive criticism for a bunch of different things...like my weight/what I'm eating...things I'm doing wrong around the house. I'm just sick of it. I'm also waiting for my graduation gift. My mom keeps mentioning it and I really want it, not for the material aspect, but it would really mean a lot to commemorate my graduating. My parents aren't big on special occasions, but this one would really mean a lot to me...and the fact that they keep bringing it up makes it even worse. I don't know..sometimes I think that people feel that because things are so obvious, they're not even worth mentioning. Yeah..not the same thing with monumental moments in life..and even the least sentimental. I appreciate when people tell me that they love me. I think that even if it is somewhat of an overstatement (when said in such a casual/passing manner) I am one of those who thinks that it's just as important to acknowledge. I also need people to recognize and acknowledge when I do something for them. I would do anything, in return for nothing as long as the recipient is appreciative...ugh sorry for the rant. This evening was particularly difficult. My family really knows how to dig at every one of my nerves...and I snapped today. So thank you all for reading. 

"Moon and Moon" by Bat For Lashes

Love and all that,

l

There's Always Something

This weekend I had a difficult time trying to keep my composure as my emotions got the best of me. Living with my parents has been such a difficult change. I thought that it would be different having graduated from high school. However, it has proven to be a challenge each day I'm here. I need a job. Anybody hiring? Please hire me :) I need money so that I can finally move out of my parents' house. Anyway...my dad likes to have these "talks" with me, and I find them ever so irritating. Today, he asked me about the almond milk that I've been buying as of recent. He wanted to know if I was aware that it was made of a lot of sugar, what I was using it for,  and so forth. I replied saying that my stomach has been getting upset whenever I drink milk, and that it wasn't the case with cheese or yogurt, so I decided to try almond milk. I prefer it over soy milk because I've heard that soy messes with hormone levels..and...blah blah blah. Anyway the point that I'm slowly making is that I read nutrition labels...obviously! I'm trying to lose weight. And, I know what I'm putting into my body. I was aware that there is a ton of sugar in almond milk, but ya know, it's an alternative that I prefer. It's just irritating that I'm 23 years old, living at home, and being told what I can/should and can't/shouldn't eat. It was just completely unnecessary and doesn't make either of our lives easier...so I was frustrated. But, ya know....talking to my dad has always been a grueling task, and it's proving to still be so. Oh well. Other than that, I had a great workout, seeing that I had that conversation minutes before I left. 800 plus calories. 65 minutes. WOOT. Max heart rate-192, avg-180. It was a great workout. I also tried biking a little bit. I think that I might do a bike cool down on occasion. It was nice change, but  I do dread the bike. We had a bike, and i just loathed it so much. Being forced to ride that piece of shit because my parents thought I was too fat. Oh those days.....haha oh right....I'm still living them.


Please don't judge, but I am currently obsessed with two songs. Here's one:

S&M by Rihanna

Can you guess what the other song is? You'l find out tomorrow :)


Love and all that,
l

Emotional Scribble

Even though it has been a great week, I've been a little sad for the past few days...it could be because I'm a little sick. I've just been an emotional scribble...just all over the place without any real direction. I was watching the movie Dear John...not particularly a movie that I would often go for, but I caught about 15 minutes of it somewhere in the middle, and I just had to know what happens in the end. So I was lucky enough to catch it again and watched it all the way through this time. It wasn't quite the crock I thought it would be, but it was really  really bad. The weird part though, was that I found myself crying throughout certain parts of the film. SPOILER ALERT. You have been warned. I cried when she writes him a letter to break up with him. I cried when his father died. I cried when he sold the whole coin collection and made a rule that all of the mules had to stay together, and that he kept that one very special mule with him. It made me think of my relationship with my own dad and I hope that my dad and I can reconcile and restore our relationship. I love my father, I do. It's difficult to forgive him for things that he has said to me though. But I hope that we can reach some common ground before it's too late.

"In the Morning" by Paper Route:

Love and all that, 

l