Token Fat Friend

This week has been fantastic!...for the most part. I have had the luxury of spending my days with my dear friends. Kristen who is a little over 7 months pregnant is looking very round. Her pregnant belly is growing so much these days, and it's so exciting. Her two boys are about 2 1/2 pounds each already! I can't imagine how big she will be nearing the end of her pregnancy.

I also got to see one of my very best friends this weekend! I love that girl. It was wonderful to see her! I only get to see her about 2-3 times a year and every visit we have the best time. I always wish that she could stay longer and her next visit never seems to come soon enough. Fortunately she will be back soon...but not soon enough.

I have a few things to look forward to though. In a couple of weeks I will be going to see my friends graduate. I always have a good time with them. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't come back even more injured than I already am. It will be great just to get away though for a few days and be on my own even if it's just for a couple days. I'm also looking forward to going to the gym soon. I'm hoping within one or two more weeks. I haven't gained any weight since I sprained my ankle, but I know that I'm definitely gaining fat :/ The good news is that I am now just about 33% of the way to reaching my end goal weight! I can't believe it. I don't think many people have noticed that I have even lost weight, but I do have a long way to go. I just feel great (minus the time between the injury and now) and I'm hoping that I can really continue this routine. Even with such a long gap, this is something that I want more than anything. I think that losing weight will somehow validate...well me as a person, as a daughter.....I know that sounds weird, but honestly. I don't know what my friends think of me. Am I that token fat friend to all the people who know me? I just don't know sometimes. But I don't want to spend my time wondering. It's thoughts such as these that keep me going. I will slip up occasionally, and even let myself indulge in a little yummy, fatty goodness that the culinary world has to offer. However, let me make this clear, I am in this for the long run. I will achieve my goal and I will achieve it in a timely manner. I have to do this to prove to myself that...well I guess that I can be who I want to be with enough work, sweat, determination, and will power. I've been thinking of myself as this weak person who is incapable of accomplishing things that have yet to be even considered.

I have always accepted the fact that I'm going to be a big girl. And I realize that I don't have to be. I have a goal, and to be honest, as I near it further and further, I will probably continue to increase that goal, because I will know that I can do it.

This has turned into more of a ramble than I had anticipated. But please wish me luck and send me good vibes.

I will be on an indefinite hiatus from this blog. I will try to drop in from time to time. And hopefully when I do, I will bring only news of success.

"Lights" by Ellie Goulding. enjoy :)

Love and all that,

l