A Sad Time Moment

Okay, okay. It's time I got down and dirty. The past week or so has been one of those ongoing, philosophical montages through my head about what purpose my life will serve and what I'm going to do about it. I have had many down moments that have turned me into a sappy ole teenager again, dwindling away in my room wondering why my friends are my friends, and why they aren't what they seem to be. I have a trust issue, and it's been a part of me since I was a young child. I am feeling lost now, more than ever though. I am waiting for a sign that will tell me what is it I need to do, and who it is I can trust. This is the most uncomfortable feeling a person can  have I think. Doubt. Uncertainty. Maybe it's due to the fact that I haven't been losing any more weight. I have officially reached a standstill, and it's making me feel like crap. There is only one thing that I can be certain about, aside from my family and my friends (who sometimes, I'll honestly be just as unsure about as a stranger roaming the streets at night). I can be certain about the person I am in this present moment. I'm a dreamer. I have things that I want to accomplish. When I have a sad time moment like this though, it's difficult to believe that those dreams will ever be within reach. It's almost as if I can see them so close, but not close enough to grasp hold of them.

I'm heading to the gym in hopes of being able to release some of these stresses and have a happy time moment.

"Spitting Fire" by The Boxer Rebellion

I <3 them, dearly


Love and all that,
l

No Change, No Gain

When I sprained my foot a month ago, I thought that I would be good as new in just a few short weeks. Not the case at all. I have heard many stories about sprained ankles and feet. The healing process is absurd! I might not fully recover for months, even years! I have decided that I'm not going to let it hinder my weight loss goal. I haven't gained any weight since my injury, but my eating habits have gone downhill, and my exercise-minimal to say the least. Thus, I realize I must have lost muscle mass and gained fat. Bleh. I'm going to the gym today and am going to take it easy. I don't want to strain my foot too much, but I need to start making a change somehow and lose weight. I think I may have been using my injury as a crutch, and it's about time I stop! I remember what it was like when I first shed all of that weight, and I want to feel that like again. I think I just expect it to happen, and realize that I actually have to put effort into it. Please send me good vibes!


And now for some tunes.

I can't stop listening to this! It's just so darn catchy.

"Super Bass" by Nicki Minaj

Boombadoomboom,

l

On The Wagon

I fell off for a short period of time, but I a feeling very, very positive right now. Today I found a skirt that I absolutely adore. I bought it. The thing is...I put it on and felt very comfortable in it...but I just know that my parents are going to point how poufy and frumpy it makes me look. I have lost some muscle mass and gained some fat since spraining my foot. Tomorrow, I am planning on going back to the gym and I'm hoping that I will start back into my old routine again. It has been awhile though, and I'm not quite sure how much strength my foot has, but I just feel so gross and fatty haha. So that is the plan for tomorrow!

I also bought a purse and a top. I'm so excited to wear them later this week!


I have a very busy week ahead of me, but I'm looking forward to every moment of it :)


Although this isn't the most cheery song, the tempo is so upbeat. It also raises awareness about youth violence, specifically gun violence among youths.

"Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People

Remember to always support those who you love, and even those who you don't love. You never know who's day you will brighten with a gesture of endearment...and in turn change make a difference in his of her life. 

Love and all that, 

l

Token Fat Friend

This week has been fantastic!...for the most part. I have had the luxury of spending my days with my dear friends. Kristen who is a little over 7 months pregnant is looking very round. Her pregnant belly is growing so much these days, and it's so exciting. Her two boys are about 2 1/2 pounds each already! I can't imagine how big she will be nearing the end of her pregnancy.

I also got to see one of my very best friends this weekend! I love that girl. It was wonderful to see her! I only get to see her about 2-3 times a year and every visit we have the best time. I always wish that she could stay longer and her next visit never seems to come soon enough. Fortunately she will be back soon...but not soon enough.

I have a few things to look forward to though. In a couple of weeks I will be going to see my friends graduate. I always have a good time with them. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't come back even more injured than I already am. It will be great just to get away though for a few days and be on my own even if it's just for a couple days. I'm also looking forward to going to the gym soon. I'm hoping within one or two more weeks. I haven't gained any weight since I sprained my ankle, but I know that I'm definitely gaining fat :/ The good news is that I am now just about 33% of the way to reaching my end goal weight! I can't believe it. I don't think many people have noticed that I have even lost weight, but I do have a long way to go. I just feel great (minus the time between the injury and now) and I'm hoping that I can really continue this routine. Even with such a long gap, this is something that I want more than anything. I think that losing weight will somehow validate...well me as a person, as a daughter.....I know that sounds weird, but honestly. I don't know what my friends think of me. Am I that token fat friend to all the people who know me? I just don't know sometimes. But I don't want to spend my time wondering. It's thoughts such as these that keep me going. I will slip up occasionally, and even let myself indulge in a little yummy, fatty goodness that the culinary world has to offer. However, let me make this clear, I am in this for the long run. I will achieve my goal and I will achieve it in a timely manner. I have to do this to prove to myself that...well I guess that I can be who I want to be with enough work, sweat, determination, and will power. I've been thinking of myself as this weak person who is incapable of accomplishing things that have yet to be even considered.

I have always accepted the fact that I'm going to be a big girl. And I realize that I don't have to be. I have a goal, and to be honest, as I near it further and further, I will probably continue to increase that goal, because I will know that I can do it.

This has turned into more of a ramble than I had anticipated. But please wish me luck and send me good vibes.

I will be on an indefinite hiatus from this blog. I will try to drop in from time to time. And hopefully when I do, I will bring only news of success.

"Lights" by Ellie Goulding. enjoy :)

Love and all that,

l

Yes, Hello?

Hello!? Yes, I am here!

I realize that it has been quite some time since my last post. I cannot believe how badly I have been about updating my blog...but as per usual, life has happened. Initially I discontinued posting because I had gained weight, and then continued to plateau...I have since been out of town, and sprained my ankle :/ Needless to say, it has been a little while since my last gym visit. I have however managed to maintain my weight. I went back to visit some college friends for about 5 days, and didn't gain a single pound! woohoo! And since I have been doing nothing but elevating my foot 24/7 I have fluctuated about 1 pound gain or loss per day...but I do not weigh anymore than before I left for my mini trip, so I am very please about that. As of right now I am 31% of the way to reaching my goal! Very Exciting. Although, my goal does continue to change as I lose more weight...I keep adding about 5 more pounds to my goal haha (which keeps me motivated, I think..hopefully not the opposite).


I'm hoping to get back into the gym by the end of this week. I am going to be saving up all of my energy so that I can stay with my cousin this week. I haven't seen her in about 2 1/2 weeks now! I bet she's grown so much.. that generally seems to be the case each week I see her. I also have an orientation on Thursday and I need to be able to make a good impression then. I'm so looking forward to this week!


One of my best friends is coming into town and it will be to catch up with her! We're planning a ladies night of food and gossip, and yes, hopefully a drink or two :) I'll be sure to update as the week continues.

Oooh, there are just too many good songs that I have been listening to this week. Hmm...we'll start with this one:

Boyce Avenue and Kina Grannis "Fast Car"

I recently had the pleasure of seeing Kina Grannis live. She is wonderful!

Love and all that,
l

2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back

I've been thinking about what I'm doing wrong and why I seem to lose weight, plateau, lose weight, gain weight, plateau, lose weight...etc. I think that I've been approaching weight loss from all the wrong directions. I am constantly taking this one day at a time, and while that has its benefits, I need to keep reminding myself that this is for the long-term effects, and it's going to take longer than I may want or expect it to. I wanted to drop about 50 pounds by this December. Though I think that this is reasonable, I also have to realize that I want to keep it off, and also tone my body all at the same time...that takes time! I'm not trying to underestimate myself here, I just want to be reason with my own expectations, that way if I do plateau again, I won't get discouraged. Yesterday I ate so much food, and I think it's because I'm consistently eating less and less, and then I'll binge for a day-not a great habit, ever. I ate about two giant bowls of Chinese rice porridge, a huge foot-long sandwich, about five small plates of sushi, and ended the night with Japanese chocolate mushrooms and an almond cookie...all in all, a ridiculous amount of food, period. I feel kind of disgusted today thinking about how much I ate yesterday. And to top it all off, I didn't even workout yesterday! So today going to the gym, I'm going to do my normal strength training, and cardio, thinking about how delicious that food was yesterday, and if I want to enjoy meals like that all the time, then I have to work my butt off unless I plan to gain back all the weight I've worked so hard to lose. I really don't want to limit myself to certain foods, because I think that restriction is the number one reason why I failed at losing weight so many times in the past. Instead, I'm going to plan out meals, but realize that if I stray here and there, it's okay, but not to go nuts and change everything on the menu. My mind and my body constantly want different things. Instead of forcing a diet, I want it to come naturally. I want to consider food fuel for my body instead of comfort for my mind. That's what it should be anyway...it's training both my mind and body to work together that will be the hard part. 

I'm sorry if this post was a bit wishy washy. I wrote it in two different sittings!

And now music time:

"Steal My Sunshine" by Len

Love and all that,

l

Running On Sunshine

I feel terrific! I haven't felt this way in quite some time either. It's been an amazing day. I had a slight blowout at one point, but I worked it out, and feel 10 times better from the start of the day. It was a slow day, but it progressively became more enjoyable. I completed some household chores, I ate some delicious breakfast food mid-day, I had a sob fest with my brother (more like near my brother), worked out, and then made an apron from a pillowcase! It turned out great too, though I suppose I am a bit biased. It is now three in the morning and I'm exhausted, looking forward to a great day tomorrow with Kristen, Lindsay, and hopefully Jessi too!

On a side note, I am just over 25% to reaching my goal. I mapped out how many pounds I would like to lose each month I would like to lose, and I'm so excited, because I think that it's definitely achievable, given that I continue to eat smaller proportions, work out, and I have seriously gained will power in the midnight snacking department. I so much wanted an ice cream cone today, and I resisted. I also wanted to eat more of this delicious sandwich once I got home (just about 30 minutes ago) and I once again exerted excessive will power. I've got to be honest, I'm so proud of myself :D


I don't know if any of y'all watch Grey's Anatomy, but last night the much anticipated music event aired, and it was wonderful. Please enjoy:

Love and all that, 

l

Get it Girrrlll

I'm constantly judging and making fun of my brother for having these philosophical revelations, daily I might add, and I ended up having one today. I was thinking about how short our life is...we never really know how long we have. I've been wasting so many of my days not doing anything..just sitting here waiting for things to happen to me. I've never really been a "do-er". I have to be more assertive. I need to feel more confident and comfortable though. I think that this whole working out slash losing weight thing will not only benefit me physically, but emotionally and socially as well. I have noticed myself growing more confident as of recent and I'm hoping that it will grow as I become more comfortable in my body. I just need to keep sticking to this diet and exercise plan. :)

I've just been thinking so much about how we are only children once, and that time never comes back around again...and these phases in our lives..all of them only come around once for us. We are born, go to school, work, move out, have kids, have kids who have kids..and then we die- and not always in that order. It just baffles me that this is the only time in my life when it will be socially acceptable to be jobless...and then once I have a job, I will be working for the rest of my life. Growing up I had a nice house, but it wasn't one that I invited my friends over to come see or show off. I'm never going to have that opportunity. As an adult, I'll have that opportunity, but it won't have the same meaning. I was never popular, and since clicks are out at the workplace (supposedly) I won't ever be the one who's adored most. Those ships have sailed past me. I just am realizing that I cannot take anything for granted anymore. I have my bad days, and sometimes they're filled with regret, but I think that as I continue to grow older and wise, I am accepting that my life is good, and that I don't want to waste moments being sad or mad or generally feeling down. I need to be happier and feel good. Because all of the moments that I'm not pursuing something to make me a better person, are wasted moments that I could've been happy if I hadn't been sitting around waiting for stuff to happen.

"With Every Beat Of My Heart" by Taylor Dayne

Slow, Like This

I've had a great workout the past couple of days! I feel great, now that I'm working out regularly! I'm slowly losing weight and I know that this is the right way for me. I'm still enjoying all of the foods that I want to eat, and I'm losing weight and gaining muscle. I have been trying to cut back on certain foods, but it seems impossible sometimes. I end up binging for days, sometimes weeks and clearly that is not a healthy choice. I have since decided that I can lose another 10 pounds in addition to what I originally planned. I am now a quarter of the way  to reaching my end goal! I'm really aiming for the end of this year to have the weight shed. I'm very concerned as to what my skin will look like if I keep the weight on any longer than past the age of 25...so I'm hoping that it will still have it's elasticity so that I don't have saggy skin. I'm really worried about that since I'm losing a significant amount of weight. I've been looking up tips, but if anybody has any suggestions, I would appreciate them!

"Crazy" by Seal

Love and all that,

l

700 calories today! I exercised on the elliptical and reach 700 calories, something that used to come so easy, but as of recent hasn't been reached...until today :) It felt great to exercise for more than 30 minutes too. I am once again getting pumped up and excited for being this motivated and this accomplished. It's just so difficult figuring out portion control. I'm eating so much, but I'm doing a lot of strength training and cardio. I think that it'll have to be about eating the right foods and then I'll have to focus on portion control in a month or so. I need to eat more chicken breast, salad, and fruits throughout the day and in 5 small meals. Because I've been out of work, I have been grazing quite frequently as well, which obviously doesn't help when I'm trying to track how much I'm eating throughout the day. Phew! Anyway, as long as I'm not gaining weight, I'll be content. If I'm losing weight, I'll be happy. And once the weight is gone, I'll be so ecstatic! 

I might've already posted this song, but mmmm it's so good 

"I Love You Always Forever" by Donna Lewis

Love and all that,

l

Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows

I just threw away three days of hard work by consuming a handful of chocolate. It was so delicious. I was thinking about how I hadn't eaten chocolate in a few days, and well, I just ate a few days worth in an entire sitting..at 9:00 at night. I suppose this gives me a good reason to really put 100% in tomorrow at the gym. I had an okay workout today. 50 minutes of cardio, and a few sets of crunches, which was an accomplishment. I also went on a walk today. The sunshine felt soooooo lovely. I went out with my Kristen and Lindsay and we tried to find as many flowers as possibly. Inevitably Lindsay found the small white and yellow weeds the most intriguing. I love how easily and simply children are pleased and impressed with the little things that we adults often fail to notice. Hmm, it makes me realize more and more how I need to appreciate every little fortune life has given to me. I miss my friend, truly. She was there for me when I needed a friend to just listen to me. She knew how to comfort me in ways that my other friends who I have known for over a decade did not. She was there for the utmost turning points in my life to this day. I miss her, and I'm sad that we cannot seem to figure out a way to resolve our issue. Whenever I was feeling down, she would always try to cheer me up by singing this song.

"Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows" by Lesley Gore

Wherever y'all are in the world, I hope that you have a little sunshine in your life :)

Love and all that,
l

Little Black Dress

I've been trying to clean out my room for a few months and it has become quite the task. I've gone through drawers of clothing that I no longer fit in. Perfectly new t-shirts and jeans and dresses, and everything. I cannot believe how much clothing I have that I don't fit in, and also don't feel comfortable enough to wear. I'm going to hang up a dress that I've been wanting to wear for about 3 years. I haven't been able to fit in it, and I'd love to be able to wear it this winter. I think that summer would be too soon, fall might still be too soon. I'm trying to fit into a dress that hasn't been worn in three years..to shed that weight too quickly would be unhealthy. I'm setting my sights on winter. I'm sure there will be some event (birthday, Christmas, something holiday related) to wear this to :). There are definitely some other pieces that I'm looking forward to wearing again.

"Mr. Brightside" by The Killers

Love and all that,
l

Stop. Look. Listen

Okay, I know this is a promise I have been making for a long time. I may have felt it was possible before. I'm finally realizing that I know it's possible and that I'm going to make it happen. I've always said that I'm the only one who can lose the weight that needs to be shed on my body, and dang it! I was not listening to myself. I am the only one who can put the work into getting the results I want to see, my parents want to see, maybe even my friends want to see. I really needed to reassess what it is that I'm looking to accomplish in this journey. I'm tired of being told that I can eat this or that, and not other things. It really is my life, and I'm going to make my own decisions. But, I cannot just eat something out of spite for my parents. I will eat whatever it is that I choose, but I have to reasonable, for my own sake. From this day forward, I vow to start focusing and putting all of my energy into getting in good workouts, eating the right foods and in the right proportions. I have to allow myself to eat bad foods every once in awhile. I realized that when I deprive my mind from eating comfort foods like pizza or ice cream or candy or chips at least once a week, I will binge for days. And the whole point of me losing weight is to better my body and my life. I know that I can lose weight by only drinking fruit juice and eating salad..but I can't imagine doing that for the rest of my life. I want to be able to keep the weight off for years to come. I want to know that I can lose weight eating foods that make me happy and taste good. (Who wants to be miserable while losing weight?-It just doesn't seem worth it to me.) Anywho.. later today I'm going to the gym. I haven't been in days..actually a week to be exact. That is the longest time since I began working out that I haven't been to the gym. I'm nervous to see how it has affected my routine, especially since I haven't been eating as healthy as I should have been to compensate for the lack of exercise, let alone- in general.


Hope today goes great though, and I hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend!

I was feeling a little nostalgic, just trying to gather myself and recollect my thoughts.

"Closing Time" by Semisonic

Love and all that,
l

That's Just The Way It Is

I went to the gym on Monday and took a Zumba class for the first time.. Woooheee, it was intense! It is such a fast paced routine, that I wasn't paying much attention to my posture..and after all of the lunges and squats, I hurt my knees, badly. They were so sore yesterday, I could barely walk up and down the stairs in my house. Today I'm feeling much better, thankfully. I'm not planning on going to the gym today, just to be sure that I don't mess up my knees for life. I spent some time with my friend Kristen and her daughter Lindsay today. Lindsay is a little over 3 years old and just a gem. She's such a precious little thing and I absolutely adore her. It was nice to catch up and just hang out with an old friend.

I've been going through a rough patch lately and though my friends have been supportive, it's hard because none of them are actually here. I recently ended a friendship, and I'm not taking it very well. It's similar to ending a romantic relationship. I keep going back and forth trying to figure out whether or not I made the right decision. My friend, K, has been a roller coaster of a friend. Sometimes she was truly there for me, and other times she was practically a stranger. I realized though that our friendship was dwindling. It was going in circles, and we weren't seeing eye to eye. Two weeks ago was the last time we conversed. She told me that she was pregnant, and my first reaction was that it was a lie. What kind of a friend reacts that way? A bad friend? A friend who knows her friend so well that she was actually right? I will never know whether or not she is pregnant because after she skyped me that night, she signed off and didn't return my phone calls. After a week of calling and not hearing back from her, I decided that it was best that I disconnect myself from that relationship and move on. Lo and behold, she called me the next day. I didn't have words and I didn't take her phone calls or respond to her instant messages. She in turn txted me back about a week later saying that she was tired of our passive aggressive bulls**t and that she assumed we weren't talking anymore. I so deeply wanted to respond saying that it wasn't my intention to be passive aggressive. But I realized that it obviously was her intention because she was apologizing for it. The text was also so hostile (and passive aggressive in itself) and I think that if anybody wanted to talk to me, they wouldn't be rude about it. I don't need a "friend" treating me that way, trying to make me feel guilty for something that I'm not even positive I did in the first place. So that is the end of it. She hasn't tried to contact me, and she has since blocked me on skype.

On another note.
I have once again become sidetracked with my goal. I want to lose weight. I want to be lean, or at least leaner than I am now. I would like to weigh as much as I did in high school. This goal has been such a journey to reach and I haven't even gotten halfway there yet..or even a quarter of the way! I keep falling into these traps. I've been eating horribly. I haven't been exercising as much lately, although I've been pushing myself harder. I need to stay focused. The big picture: I want to wear all of these wonderful clothes that I haven't been able to fit into in years! I want to buy new clothes and dress more sexy/mature. I want to feel good in anything I walk out the door in. So, I have to keep telling myself that this is going to be worth it. I also just realized that I actually am about a quarter of the way to reaching my goal! That's amazing! I had no idea. Okay, wow, definitely going to be using that as motivation! (As I pop and Andes chocolate mint into my mouth....)

Okay, appropriate for tonight:

"Changes" by Tupac

Love Will Save The Day

I had a rough day...I got rejected from yet another job due to "lack of experience". What's most frustrating is that I think I am qualified for so many positions, even those that seem to be the easiest to do. I recently applied at the zoo for an admissions position. Today I learned that the reason why I was rejected was because I didn't have any experience using a cash register. I would think that would be something to easily train for. Honestly, I wanted that job so badly too. I thought that I would get it because my aunt works for the hiring committee too. I wasn't banking on it, just extremely hopeful. I was so emotional that I started crying when I found out. I didn't even realize that I wanted it that badly, but I think that this job searching is really taking a toll on me. I was holding my baby cousin when I found out and she just looked at me, and saw the tears running down my face. She gently touched my cheek and then hugged me. That was all I needed. Sometimes I can't help but weigh my whole future on one job application, just to be let down. But, I know that it's not the end of the world. I've got to pick myself back up and keep looking. 

I noticed that my booty muscles were so, so sore today, which indicates that I have a great workout yesterday haha. So woot, woot! I have been noticing that my body is becoming leaner. I've lost about 1/2 and inch on each of my calves, about an inch on my thighs, and almost 2 inches on my stomach. Sometimes, it depends on when I measure myself though. I try to always measure in the morning, that way my measurements are most accurate. I'm very thrilled that I'm starting to see results! My pants fit a little bit looser, and soon hopefully everything will be fitting a little less snug as well. I've been terrible lately with my diet. I've eaten massive quantities of homemade mac and cheese twice this week! Tomorrow is chicken and salad-very healthy. I've got to stop this binging though. I really don't know how to control my portion controls. I think that a good rule to live by is to eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full, but since I'm trying to lose weight, I'm wondering if that's so smart. I'll just have to play it by ear. As long as I'm still making progress, then I'm not going to over think it too much. Anywho.....

I've chosen....drum roll.........................

"You Gotta Be" by Des'ree

Love and all that,

l

Day 1: Success!

Today was...well it started off as a great day. I got about 11 hours of sleep which was oh so nice. I woke up and made a delicious breakfast: Fried eggs, toast, hash browns, and sausage. Oh let me tell you it was sooo delicious. I might have to make that again tomorrow, but in lesser proportions. I'm really trying to limit my bad eating habits. Although I'm very conscious of what I eat, I still haven't got the will power to stop myself sometimes. Because I had such a late breakfast, I didn't eat again until after I went to the gym. Today's workout wasn't that great. I burned 470 on the elliptical and another 100 on the bike. I also did some strength training, so I think that might've been why I couldn't push myself any more. My legs have been killing me the past few days. I can tell they are getting stronger and bulking up which is cool. However, I still want to improve my endurance. Since I've started babysitting, I haven't been able to go to the gym as often. I'm slowly getting back into the groove of things. I'm at about 45-50 minutes of cardio per day. I would like to hit 700 calories burned though..so that takes about an hour. Anyway..I'm working on a bunch of things. In addition. I would like to stop getting upset over petty things. More importantly though, I would like to stop acting on those things that aggravate me. I've been so lonely and down lately that I find myself arguing with people for no reason, mostly my family. I'm just incredibly sick of feeling like no one is one my side. Every day I receive criticism for a bunch of different things...like my weight/what I'm eating...things I'm doing wrong around the house. I'm just sick of it. I'm also waiting for my graduation gift. My mom keeps mentioning it and I really want it, not for the material aspect, but it would really mean a lot to commemorate my graduating. My parents aren't big on special occasions, but this one would really mean a lot to me...and the fact that they keep bringing it up makes it even worse. I don't know..sometimes I think that people feel that because things are so obvious, they're not even worth mentioning. Yeah..not the same thing with monumental moments in life..and even the least sentimental. I appreciate when people tell me that they love me. I think that even if it is somewhat of an overstatement (when said in such a casual/passing manner) I am one of those who thinks that it's just as important to acknowledge. I also need people to recognize and acknowledge when I do something for them. I would do anything, in return for nothing as long as the recipient is appreciative...ugh sorry for the rant. This evening was particularly difficult. My family really knows how to dig at every one of my nerves...and I snapped today. So thank you all for reading. 

"Moon and Moon" by Bat For Lashes

Love and all that,

l

The Last Supper

So.....I've decided to give up sweets until Easter. I don't normally commemorate Lent, but I'm going to do this for myself and see if I can make it through this. It will be a great test of my will power. So I'm going to be cutting out the following, but not limited to:

cookies
candy
soda pop
ice cream
all dessert
juice, unless it's all natural fruit juice


46 days to go :)

I also ate a lot of great food today. I had mac and cheese, baked with panko bread crumbs. mmmmmm....Tomorrow is my last day to splurge on food. I decided I needed to give myself one more day. I've calculated how long it will take for me to reach my goal weight: about 7 months. My goal is by my 24th birthday. So..... I'm pretty excited about that. I'm hoping that I can stick with it..but it will give me a lot of time tone up for the wedding as well...is what I'm thinking. But I'm thinking about dress fittings and I want to be down to a size 8 for the dress fittings.I want to be slim and sleek and hott haha. Hopefully I'll have a date for the wedding, but if not, then I hope I can meet someone hehe


Anyway song:

"The Funeral" by Band of Horses

Love and all that,
l

Wiggida Wiggida Wack

So..........I think  that I have been losing sight of the big picture. I am striving to lose the weight by my cousin's wedding which is next June. However, I keep thinking in terms of the baby steps. Though this is good, is also is counterproductive because if I don't meet one of my little benchmarks, I have a tendency to brush it off and think 'well, I can also try to meet it next week'...and then before I know it, next June will come around and I'll have stayed the same weight. So...I need to get back on track. I did lose a pound this week which is awesome. I have tried to minimize my hunger cravings..however I'm hoping to take it even further. I've been trying to come up with healthy alternatives..I also am excited because next week is my last week that I will be missing the gym as often as I have for the past two weeks. Woot! I'm excited to get back into the gym every day. I'm also hoping that I hear back from some of the jobs that I have applied for. Fingers crossed!


I also forgot that I was going to share one of my favorite songs, well currently, with y'all. If you read this then perhaps you could've guessed what today's song is:

"E.T." by Katy Perry featuring Kanye West :) Enjoy

Love and all that,
l

A Little Hiccup

So.....I haven't been blogging because I haven't been going to the gym lately. I went on Tuesday, but didn't get in that great of a workout. I did push myself though. I averaged about 13.5 calories per minute which is awesome. Usually I average about 11.5-12 or so. But honestly the reason why I quit the elliptical early was because this woman next to me farted 3 times throughout my workout! It was awful....and my friend brought up a good point. How does one fart and exercise at the same time?! baffling...Anyway, so I decided to go down to the room with the bikes for spin class and guess who was in there!? Cute Guy haha. Though, I have to admit he wasn't as cute as I remembered him...still great to look at haha.  That was a nice surprise! So...anyway, I'm hoping to get into the gym on Saturday and Sunday, but it looks like I'm going to be busy tomorrow and Friday :( I hate not going, but it does push me to work even harder on the days that I do go. Eating habits have gone downhill lately too. However, I have been eating more balanced meals throughout the entire day, as opposed to just the evening time. But, the sweets have been rolling in unfortunately. I must stop! I'm going to limit them to just weekends. I really am! That will make a huge difference; I just know it :)



Okay, enough of that.

Hopefully that's a good version slash I hope that I haven't put this up before. "Trying To Pull Myself Away" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. Such and uplifting song. I love it. It's definitely one of my top 100 songs, maybe even top 10 haha. 

Love and all that,

l

There's Always Something

This weekend I had a difficult time trying to keep my composure as my emotions got the best of me. Living with my parents has been such a difficult change. I thought that it would be different having graduated from high school. However, it has proven to be a challenge each day I'm here. I need a job. Anybody hiring? Please hire me :) I need money so that I can finally move out of my parents' house. Anyway...my dad likes to have these "talks" with me, and I find them ever so irritating. Today, he asked me about the almond milk that I've been buying as of recent. He wanted to know if I was aware that it was made of a lot of sugar, what I was using it for,  and so forth. I replied saying that my stomach has been getting upset whenever I drink milk, and that it wasn't the case with cheese or yogurt, so I decided to try almond milk. I prefer it over soy milk because I've heard that soy messes with hormone levels..and...blah blah blah. Anyway the point that I'm slowly making is that I read nutrition labels...obviously! I'm trying to lose weight. And, I know what I'm putting into my body. I was aware that there is a ton of sugar in almond milk, but ya know, it's an alternative that I prefer. It's just irritating that I'm 23 years old, living at home, and being told what I can/should and can't/shouldn't eat. It was just completely unnecessary and doesn't make either of our lives easier...so I was frustrated. But, ya know....talking to my dad has always been a grueling task, and it's proving to still be so. Oh well. Other than that, I had a great workout, seeing that I had that conversation minutes before I left. 800 plus calories. 65 minutes. WOOT. Max heart rate-192, avg-180. It was a great workout. I also tried biking a little bit. I think that I might do a bike cool down on occasion. It was nice change, but  I do dread the bike. We had a bike, and i just loathed it so much. Being forced to ride that piece of shit because my parents thought I was too fat. Oh those days.....haha oh right....I'm still living them.


Please don't judge, but I am currently obsessed with two songs. Here's one:

S&M by Rihanna

Can you guess what the other song is? You'l find out tomorrow :)


Love and all that,
l

Grey's Anatomy Addict

I will admit, I have been a lover of Grey's Anatomy for so long. I started unliking it when Denny came back and gave Izzie orgasms...that was just too weird for me..until I later found out that she had cancer and he was her hallucination; then it made sense. Anyway, I'm thrilled that Jackson and Lexie could possibly be starting a romance. They are such a cute duo. Okay..I promise my life doesn't revolve around television, but I love this show. Anywho.... I got back into the gym today! It was great to workout again. My elliptical was kind of jerky, but I managed to get through it. I kept at a fairly steady pace for the entire 65 minutes. However I finally averaged an even 12 calories per minute today! YES! It felt really great, although I will need to start doing more interval training. I feel that I get more of a workout if I practice my version of HIIT than a steady pace. I am steadily reaching level 11 for longer periods of times too, which I am thrilled about. Avg heart rate-182 (up from 177 ish) and max heart rate- 192. I feel great! I hope that I can keep it up. I really have been trying to change my eating habits. I caved and bought some slim fast. I wanted something chocolatey...and I figured, well I may as well be getting in nutrients too. It doesn't make a bad shake. I bought the powder because I'm lactose intolerant, and need to use almond milk. I add ice to it, blend it all up and it makes quite a satisfactory shake, I've got to say. I'm not really planning on starting the slim fast diet, but I might consider it, seeing as I can handle the shakes. Anyway...I have given up eating past about 8 o'clock, which is good for me (I could totally eat all night if I wanted to haha). I just really love food, and I love eating....which obviously is a problem for me. I have been trying to drink more water, and that helps satisfy the hunger as well. I've given up cigarettes. I'm not that sad about it, because I've quit before. It's a nasty habit, but I really do enjoy them every now and then. I don't miss them as much as I used to. I'm loving the way my body feels. I haven't really lost any weight, but I just feel so much better, leaner. I do miss soda though, terribly. I love carbonated drinks, and I'm not about to drink diet soda or anything. Okay, maybe a diet coke here and there....but I prefer not to. I don't like sugar substitutes. They tend to be too sweet. I feel like I'm rambling...so I'm going to peace.


Here's a great song that I like to workout to:

"Who I Am" by Stroke 9

Love and all that,
l

Oh Snow....Please Don't Stay

It's snowing..and if anyone in the northwest is reading this, you'll know why I want the snow to go away. I love snow, don't get me wrong. I love the way it smells, looks, feels. I love that transforms an ordinary day into a magical one. However, people in Portland don't know how to drive in the freaking snow! It's so irritating. I heard a rumor once that it took six hours to get from one side of the city to the other (normally about a 45 minutes drive). I could have driven to California in that amount of time! So, yes I would like the snow to melt away. That way I can get to the gym. It has been two days and I'm not loving it! I find myself getting irritable from the lack of physical activity. Ugh...anyway. I've been eating fairly healthy the past few days, minus the enormous amount of peanut m&ms the other day. Seriously...like 50 of them. I just had a huge craving for them! Gross. But, I'm still maintaining my weight. Haven't lost anymore, haven't gained anymore.


Okay, I have been listening to this song for days now. I can't get it out of my head. I think I'm just super boy crazy right now and it makes me feel good haha

"I Love You Always Forever" by Donna Lewis

Love and all that, 

l

Wobble, Wobble

So...as of recent I have been watching my almost 2-year old baby cousin. She is the most darling person I have ever encountered.  I love her so much. However, my watching her has interrupted my workout schedule. I have now very little time to workout because of scheduling conflicts. I'm very sad to announce that I did not work out today due to the fact that I had to wake up at 4 a.m. and didn't get back home until 6 p.m. ish. I had no desire to spend another hour and a half in the gym doing strength training or cardio. I'm hoping that this won't be a daily occurrence. I'd like to be able to go to the gym at least every other day, and Saturdays and Sundays. This should only be a three week gig, and then back to my regular schedule of keeping Payton on occasional Wednesdays and Fridays. So....I may not be reporting back for a bit, about exercise at least.

Here's to a classic:

Haven't actually watched the video above so hopefully it's a decent version of "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey

Love and all that, 

l

Long Time, No Post

Sorry for the lack of commitment on this blog. I tend to get distracted, and then start a new blog. However, that has not happened here! I've been away for a few days, but I'm back! So....the past few days haven't been so great for me. We ordered Chinese food (cue: "mmmmmm") and I just haven't been eating that well lately. Well, it's not to say that I haven't been eating well, but rather, I've just been eating a whole heck of a lot. So tomorrow is another fresh start (my philosophy is that one can never have too many "fresh starts") and I'm going to be very conscious of what I'm putting into my body. Today's workout was great, unlike the past couple of days. I burned 770 calories in just 65 minutes! Yay for me. And I'm hoping that the rest of this week will also be filled with great work outs!-and more healthy food choices.


Anyway, more updates to come later!

This is one of my favorite renditions I've ever heard, of any song!

"With a Little Help From My Friends" featured in the opening performance of "The Sing-Off", episode 4.

I get goose bumps every time. 

Love and all that, 

l

You Make Me Wanna

So...no weight loss today. I'm hoping tomorrow I'll have lost another pound...but I'm starting to think that my diet really needs to improve. I've been sneaking chocolates and carbs so often lately that I think that unless I keep doing hardcore cardio, my progress is slowly going to decline. So....yeah, I've got to buy some more will power or something and make sure I keep a lot of it stored in my back pocket at all times. Short post, I know, but I'm getting sleepy and I get to go baby-sit my little 1 1/2 year old cousin tomorrow! She's is the most darling thing ever.


Oh right, song...hmmm

"Give Me One Reason" Tracy Chapman

Love and all that,
l

Good Riddance!

Today, I discovered that I've finally gotten back down to my pre-holiday weight! Those five pounds that I gained were such a pain, and now they are gone forever. I have five more pounds until I reach my first goal, which I initially wanted to reach before New Year's Eve. A few weeks, late, but not a problem. I just have to stay focused and keep at it. I've been reducing my caloric intake by....a lot. I don't actually count calories, I'm just very aware of what I'm putting in my body, and of course how many calories I'm burning. Today was another great day! I only did an hour of cardio. I had to skip my cool down but I still burned more than usual. The past few days I've been aiming towards 700 calories in 65 minutes on the elliptical. Today I met the 700 in just 60 minutes! I think that this interval training is working really great. I think that once I plateau I'm going to give HIIT (High-Intensity Interval Training) a shot. I'm doing so well with how I've been working out the past week that I am hesitant to change my routine. I also have to pay more attention to what I'm eating. I want to eat more well-balanced meals. I've only been watching my calories, which I know is a huge factor, but I think that I can start consuming more efficient calories to help me lose weight. Anyway...today was a great day.


For today's song selection:

"How Will I Know" by Whitney Houston. Feelin the 80s tonight.


Love and all that,
l

efffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

The bad food keeps on rolling in my belly. Okay, huge lapse in will power today. I just stuffed five chocolates into my tummy. I think it might've felt like I didn't properly celebrate Valentine's Day or something. Tomorrow, no more sweets for me! I blew it. Absolutely no sweets for awhile...which is going to be so difficult considering I bought Girl Scout cookies from my cousin. Crap. Well, we'll have to figure out something, but seriously, I'm not ever going to allow myself to get this out of control again. 

Okay, so this might not be the best song to play, but it's soo good. And a little comforting haha

Glee's version of "Fat Bottomed Girls". Love it, mainly because I have a fat bottom haha

Love and all that,

l

Yeah....Not So Worth It

Today was an awesome workout day...not so much an awesome food day though. I don't know if I just had a momentary lapse in will power, but I indulged in pasta with cheese and butter today. I also had an egg with toast and sausage. It was not a healthy day. But I can move onto my next meal with confidence that it will be filled with delicious nutrients :) I supposedly burned just over 700 calories on the elliptical today. I was on it for about an hour and 5 minutes for a cool down at the end of it. Yay! Go me! Haha. I'm really proud that I've been able to keep it up..going to the gym that is. I just hope that I start seeing results soon. I've lost 3 pounds since last week...but I'm still two pound away from my pre-holiday weight...and then of course...there's the amount of weight I have to shed to reach my ideal weight...but I know that I can get there. Just some more will power to refrain from those oh so good, but oh so bad foods, and of course to continue exercising. I heard that diet is the most contributing factor to losing weight/gaining weight. Exercise kind of tops it all off. I know that my body is becoming stronger, I just want it to be leaner, so I'm going to try my pre-holiday diet once more on top of working out, and see if this yields any results. My diet plan went like this:

carbs in the morning before noon
must consume 600 calories before noon
eat within one hour of waking up
eat only vegetables and protein after 12 pm. including salads loaded with chicken, tomatoes, mushrooms, some dressing, nuts, along with fish or other protein like egg whites.

Basically I can eat anything else after noon except carbs such as rice, bread, pasta, etc.

It was so difficult because I would crave so many things, but morning was the time to indulge in any carbs or sweets. It worked so well that I lost 17 pounds in two months! But then I gained it back...so we'll see how this goes. I'm sure it will be very difficult for even just a week, so I'll stick as close to it as possible and let y'all know how it goes.


oh yes, song selection:

"Porcelain" by Moby. One of my favorite artists. Enjoy

Love and all that,
l

Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue....

...A Very Happy Valentine's Day To You!

I hope you all enjoyed this day full of love whether it be family, friends, or that special someone. Mine was fantastic! I was hot and sweaty all day. The gym is the best Valentine's Day date, I'm sure of it. Haha. I went twice today! And I surpassed my goal. woot. This morning, I burned 420 calories in about 40 minutes of cardio, switching between the elliptical, treadmill, and then elliptical once more. I also did some strength training, mostly legs. The second trip I spent an hour and 5 minutes on the elliptical and did interval training from intensities 4 through 9. This time around, I burned 700 calories! It felt really great, though I'm not sure how accurate the calorie counter is on these machines. What I look for is sweat. Honestly, if I'm sweating then I know that I'm getting in a solid workout and burning calories. Hopefully tomorrow will be productive! I tried to take it as slow as possible so that I wouldn't completely wear my body out...but I think that my endurance has improved greatly and that this whole losing weight thing is going to happen for me!

Okay, selection of the day. A little love is needed on this day

"Come Away With Me" by Norah Jones

Love and all that,
l

It's Gonna Be A Bright Sun-shiney Day

I have a feeling that even though it's supposed to rain all week, it's going to be a sunny, happy week! I weighed myself and found that I've lost about three pounds since last week. Woot! Only 2 more pounds to go, and I'll have reached my weight before the holidays which I worked so hard to accomplish! And I think it's going to get easier and easier to keep shedding the pounds. Although, today I didn't go to the gym... Not a great way to start off the week. However, tomorrow I'm planning on doing daily doubles. I'm going to burn 700 calories, hopefully in two different increments...to make up for missing my workout today. I'm also going to try to stay at level 9 for ten minutes tomorrow..we'll see how that goes though. I've realized that even if I don't quite meet my goals for the day, I'm still working out and pushing myself hard and that outweighs the benefits of seeing fast results. I know that I have a long way to go, but each pound counts and hopefully I'll reach my goal within the next year or so. I did veer from my healthy diet this weekend. Today I went out and drank sangria and ate delicious mac and cheese and short ribs. MMMMMM it was all worth it though. Because now that I know I've been making progress in the weight loss department, I'm going to continue watching what I eat, so that was probably the last luxurious meal I'll be enjoying for awhile. Totally worth it :)

And, now I have even more to look forward to each time I go to the gym, haha. Someone gorgeous to look at while I workout. yes! It probably seems so silly, but I feel like a lovestruck teenager. I've had butterflies in my stomach all weekend long.

Today I leave you with another one of my favorite songs. This song reminds me of my dear friend, Alex. May he rest in peace. I miss you dear friend.

"Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak. One of the sexiest songs. ever.

Love and all that,
l

Who woulda thunk it

So.. sorry for the delay folks, I've been quite busy dealing with..distracting matters haha, but I wanted to quickly post my progress thus far. Yesterday, I burned almost 600 calories! I have been trying to practice interval training and changing the pace of my workout on the treadmill and elliptical throughout my set. I usually seem to wear off a lot of energy in the first 15 to 20 minutes of my cardio, and I'll have to reduce the intensity or speed for a few minutes, and then pick it back up again. I pushed myself so incredibly hard today. I only burned about 470 calories today, and only did strength training and the elliptical. It was really great though, I pushed myself to work onto level 9 on the elliptical! It was difficult, but it really felt great. I only did it for about 8 minutes or so, in two different increments, but I know that in about a week or two, it should be a pretty solid commitment, and I'll push myself to level 11 then haha. I feel like I could've pushed myself more a little bit while weight training, but Monday is another day. I'm going to lunch with some of my friends tomorrow, and I'm hoping that there will be some tasty but healthy options! I'll also be working out before I go out to eat, so I'll have to choose something high in protein.

Side note: for those who know me, I've been in love with this boy that I went to high school with for a long, long time now. I haven't had the nerve to tell him, and I don't think it would work out between us. So I've been trying to move on and today..........................................I spotted a guy across the room haha. I was dripping with sweat which I'm sure was attractive, but sheesh, who would've thought working out would be so much fun for me! haha

OH, song....hmmmm ooooh, I have a lovely little ditty for you. One of my favorite songs ever

"Love You Down" by INOJ. Hell. Yes.



Love and all that,
l

Something Honorable

Today my cousin, Courtney, asked me to be her maid of honor. I can't believe that she asked me and I'm so honored that she would ask me to stand at the alter with her.

Jack Johnson, "Better Together". This one's for you Court!

Love and all that,
l

Work it Girrrrrll

Hi folks! I had a pretty solid workout today and I feel great! Today I did some strength training for my legs, and then I worked out on the elliptical for 35 minutes and then the treadmill for 20. In total, I burned 550 calories! wooooooot. I worked up a great sweat and also I have increased my intensity on both machines! Another wooooooot! So when I first started working out on January 12, I think, I could barely ride the elliptical for 10 minutes on level 1 without getting out of breath and all around exhausted. NOW I can ride for 35 minutes at an intensity of 1 and working up to level 7 by the end of my workout! I haven't really quite measured my increased endurance on the treadmill. However, I know that I have upped my incline from 7 to 10, and my speed up to 3.5 as well (from a 3.2). But I only go on the treadmill to either burn just a few more calories at the end of the elliptical, or after I've done strength training and feel an extra burst of energy. I'm super proud of myself! I've been off the wagon for 2 whole days, sick and just feeling miserable, but today was a great day in terms of exercise. Okay, now for the judgement. I ate a chimichanga with sour cream for lunch today. (I didn't wake up until about 11 and by the time I rolled downstairs I was in the mood for lunch). I also had a glass of juice..whoops. But I feel confident that this isn't a setback, just a minor slip up haha. So onward and upward! Tonight I'm going to make healthy decisions!

Work out song choice of the day: Erase-Rewind by The Cardigans. :D

Love and all that,
l

Emotional Scribble

Even though it has been a great week, I've been a little sad for the past few days...it could be because I'm a little sick. I've just been an emotional scribble...just all over the place without any real direction. I was watching the movie Dear John...not particularly a movie that I would often go for, but I caught about 15 minutes of it somewhere in the middle, and I just had to know what happens in the end. So I was lucky enough to catch it again and watched it all the way through this time. It wasn't quite the crock I thought it would be, but it was really  really bad. The weird part though, was that I found myself crying throughout certain parts of the film. SPOILER ALERT. You have been warned. I cried when she writes him a letter to break up with him. I cried when his father died. I cried when he sold the whole coin collection and made a rule that all of the mules had to stay together, and that he kept that one very special mule with him. It made me think of my relationship with my own dad and I hope that my dad and I can reconcile and restore our relationship. I love my father, I do. It's difficult to forgive him for things that he has said to me though. But I hope that we can reach some common ground before it's too late.

"In the Morning" by Paper Route:

Love and all that, 

l

Marriage! Twins! Oh My!

So this has been a fabulous week for all of my friends and family! I'm so excited to share with you all: My cousin Jana just announced that she has set her wedding date for May 14, my cousin Courtney just got engaged this last Saturday, and my friend Kristen found out that she is expecting twins. Life is wonderful in this moment in time.

I have even more motivation than ever to start really losing weight and making that lifestyle change. My cousin's wedding is a great first benchmark for me. By May, I would like to lose 20 more pounds. I think that is completely achievable. Given the amount of exercise that I'll be doing on a regular basis, in addition to my eating habits. Here are some goals that I have set for myself:

1. No more late night snacking!
2. Drink 8 or more glasses of water a day
3. Water will be the only beverage of choice from now on
4. Allow one day per week, just one, to splurge on anything I want
5. Quit the alcohol and cigarettes
6. Reduce portions, and eat smaller meals throughout the day
7. Cut back on sweets to two times a week ;)

I feel like those are pretty reasonable goals. So this will be starting tomorrow. I think that's how I work best, just dive right into it, cold turkey. Hopefully I'll see results shortly here. From September to November I lost 17 pounds by eating strictly salads with chicken and vegetables at night. (Carbs in the morning, no late night snacking, and no sweets.) It's tough, but I think it'll be well worth it.

Plus, with my Courtney getting married sometime next year, I would love to look slimmer because I'll be in the bridal party. Woot! And now that Kristen is going to be having twins..well I'll now have 3 little ones to chase after instead of just one haha, so I've got to be in the best shape of my life haha.

Today was wonderful and tomorrow will be even better.
Now for the song of the day, I bring to you is "Everything to Me" by Tamarama.

Love and all that,
l

Day 1

Hiiiiiiiiii so I have decided to start a blog and record my weight loss journey! I'm really excited. Thus far, I haven't really been able to regularly update my blogs, but I have high hopes for this one. Well, I supposed introductions are a bit necessary. My name is leslie, and I have just graduated from college with a degree in sociology. I loved every moment of that entire experience, and I'm a little sad that it's all over, but honestly I wouldn't have changed anything...well except for gaining so much weight..ha ha ha (you can't tell, but that was supposed to be my cheesy laugh). Anyway, so I've been trying to lose weight since September and it went really great for the first couple of months, just like it always does, or so I've heard for dieters. I lost about 17 pounds with a complete diet change and little exercise. It was great! But, I'm going to be completely honest with you, I love food so so much. I'm not quite sure what I would do without it. The holidays were rough, and I did fail at staying on my diet. Now February has darn gone and come around. I'm going to start eating the way I used to in September and October in addition to exercising. I'm quite thrilled to see the results. I will keep you all updated with posts of my progress and what kinds of foods I'm eating as well as what exercises I find to be the most rewarding! Usually, I like to end with a "Song-of-the-Day" but right now I will leave one of the most hilarious clips from a show favorite of mine, Parks and Recreation:

Love and all that, 

l